The Hardest Goodbye
by J Mac2
Summary: Post Administration: Reactions to Bartlet's death through his funeral. Comprised of various POVs and flashbacks. Please RR.
1. Prologue Donna

DISCLAIMER: None of these people belong to me. They were the brainchild of Aaron Sorkin and belong to NBC, John Wells, and some other people that are NOT ME!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This idea was inspired by Reagan's funeral, but I haven't written it until now. This story might take a while because I'm busy with school and stuff but I'll try my hardest. This chapter is written in present tense, but the next ones might be written in preterite tense. I dunno. It depends on how I feel. Please review this. I write faster with reviews.

* * *

"The Hardest Goodbye"

Prologue

This can't be right. This isn't happening. That wasn't Leo's voice on the phone. Someone is playing a sick joke on me.

It's supposed to be a happy time right now. Sam was just inaugurated as President, Zoey and Charlie just had another baby, and my life isn't in shambles. So why is this happening? It must be a bad dream. A _really_ bad dream.

Nevertheless, I should tell someone. Better hear it from me than CNN.

I scan the crowd in search of someone... anyone. My husband is onstage making his speech about the new budget. I obviously can't bother him. Josh and Charlie are watching on some monitors nearby. I push my way over to the crowd to get to them. "Josh!"

He turns to me and smiles. How can anyone smile at a time like this? Well, I guess I can't blame him. He doesn't know yet. "Donnatella! Sam is speaking magnificently tonight!"

"He always does," Charlie chimes.

"My deputy speaks correctly."

"You enjoy referring to me as your deputy, don't you?"

"That I do Charles."

"Josh!" As I reach them I'm out of breath.

"Calm down, Donna. He isn't doing that magnificently," Josh smirked.

"There's something I need to tell you!"

Josh's grin slowly melts into a look of worry. "What is it?" The knot in my stomach just grew about fifty times larger. I can't breathe. How on earth am I going to tell them this? It's just not possible. "Donna, are you all right?"

Tears begin to form at the back of my throat as reality hits me. He's really dead. I _have_ to tell them. "President Bartlet is dead!"


	2. Charlie

DISCLAIMER: See chapter 1

A/N: Thanks so much to nattieb, kursk, and daffycat7 for the reviews. The format of this is a little weird. Basically... the flashbacks are in third person, preterite tense, and the POVs are in first person, present tense. Sorry if it's a little confusing. That's just the way it came out when it was written.

* * *

Donna looks very upset. Something must be horribly wrong or else she wouldn't be acting like this. It's the First Lady's job to keep a brave face no matter what.

"What is it?," Josh asks. Donna won't answer. There are tears forming in her eyes. "Donna, are you all right?"

She says something but the crowd starts applauding at something Sam says and I can't hear her. "What was that? It's a little loud."

"I said...," she looked like she was struggling with every word she said. "President Bartlet is dead."

A ringing starts to pound in my ears. The world around me starts to spin. President Bartlet wasn't dead, he couldn't be. He wasn't sick. I knew that his MS was finally kicking in, but I didn't think it was that bad. But then I remember, Zoey had flown to Manchester three days ago. She had said that her dad had a case of the flu and her mother needed all the help she could get.

Zoey. She must be devastated. She was always her father's little girl, everyone said so. I have to talk to her.

As my vision returns, I see that Josh has Donna wrapped in his arms, tears are flowing freely down her face. "I have to... I have to call Zoey." I'm not even sure if the words actually came out, but I march away from the noise anyway.

* * *

Charlie knocked on the door to President Bartlet's Manchester study apprehensively. He had never been this nervous in all his life. The President was going to kill him. "Come in!," Jed Bartlet yelled. Charlie slowly opened the door, but couldn't find the will to actually walk into the room. The President looked up. "Oh hey Charlie, come on in, grab a seat." He indicated a chair across from where he sat.

After taking a deep breath, Charlie walked in and sat down. He couldn't find the will to say anything, so instead he just stared at his feet. The President watched Charlie's nervous behavior for a few seconds. It really began to annoy him. After a loud sigh, Jed asked him, "Can I help you with something, or are you just here to grace me with your presence?"

Charlie looked up at President Bartlet, which made him even more fidgety. He began to knead his hands together. "Mr. President... you know that Zoey and I have been dating again for a few years?"

"How could I forget?," he asked gruffly as he looked over his paperwork.

"Well... I want you to know that I love your daughter, and I always have."

"Mm-hmm."

"I didn't want to take our relationship any further until I could do something to support us, and now that I've finished law school...," he trailed off.

Jed gave Charlie a penetrating stare over his glasses. "What?"

The saliva left Charlie's mouth and it took all the strength in the world for him to speak. "I was wondering... if I could have your daughter's hand in marriage."

The President went back to his paperwork. "Have you asked her yet?"

"No sir. Why?"

"Because if you had and she had said yes then there would be no way I could say no to you. But since you haven't, I now have the power to do so."

Charlie paused. "Are you going to?"

The President looked up and surveyed Charlie for a moment. "I look at the other men my daughters have dated: Ellie and the guitarist, Liz and Doug, and Zoey and Jean-Paul, and I realize that there can never be a man good enough for any of them. But I think that you come the closest to it."

"Is that a yes?," he questioned, quite perplexed.

Jed sighed and stood up. "Welcome to the family." He offered a hand to Charlie.

Charlie stood and shook it eagerly. "Thank you Mr. President."

"You do know, though, that if you break my little girl's heart, I will be forced to sick the Agents on you."

"I'm quite aware of that sir."

"Good! Now go!" Charlie turned to leave. "Oh and Charlie!" Charlie stopped. "I just wanted you to know that you've always been the closest thing that I've had to a son, and I'm elated that it's going to be legal." He smiled, and Charlie, overtaken by this emotional gesture, left the room with a lump in his throat.

* * *

It's really cold outside, but this alleyway is the only place that I could find in the vicinity that was quiet, so it will have to do. I dial Manchester's number, which has, over the years, become very familiar to me. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Why aren't they picking up?

"Hello?" I could swear that that's Doug's voice.

"Doug?"

"Hey Charlie."

"Oh... I was wondering if I could speak to Zoey."

Doug's voice darkened. "You've heard?"

"Donna told me."

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine, but I would like to speak to my wife."

"No can do. She's not here. She and her mother and her sisters all went to a private midnight mass. I'm watching the kids."

"All right... well, tell her to call me and let her know that I'll be on the next flight up there."

"No. Leo told me that you should stay there... to help with funeral arrangements."

Doug is really starting to tick me off. How do they expect me to stay here while my wife is in pain? "I should be with Zoey! Do you know what a difficult time this is for her?! Her father just died! It's my duty to be by her side!"

"I know Charlie! But you have duties there, too. Just wait and talk to Zoey and Leo before you decide to do anything, okay?"

After a moment's deliberation, I decide that Doug's right. If Leo wants me to stay in DC, I probably should. "Fine."

"Charlie... are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine Doug! Just wonderful!" That came out sounding a little meaner than I wanted it to. Nonetheless, I hang up my phone.

A wave of nausea and complete tiredness hits me. The world begins to spin again. I take a deep breath, shut my eyes, and lean against the freezing brick wall, waiting for my sickness to pass. My body slowly begins to be overtaken by numbness, but I don't think that it's because of the cold temperature.


	3. Josh

DISCLAIMER: See chapter 1

A/N: Thanks nattieb and kursk for the reviews! Emmy's are tonight! Go West Wing and Jane Kaczmarek!

* * *

My shoulder is wet. I know that that's not what I should be thinking about right now, but... this is a rented tux. I don't want Donna to ruin it or anything.

It's not that I'm not sad, I guess the full scope of what Donna told us hasn't quite hit me yet. It's like when my dad died. The news wasn't exactly tangible until I got to Connecticut to help with the funeral arrangements.

I find it all very eerie to tell the truth. President Bartlet is dead. He was such a great man, so great that he seemed immortal, like one of those Greek gods or something. And now... he was gone.

I pull away from Donna and hold her at arm's length. There are tears and mascara, smearing together into a gooey mess, all down her face. I think that she'd do better to cope with this in a place where there aren't members of the press swarming like bees to a hive. "Why don't you go to the bathroom and clean yourself up? Then you can go back to the White House. I'll get Sam back there as soon as possible."

She looks into my eyes with that searching look that she always gives me when she thinks something is wrong. It's slightly blurred, though, due to her tears. "Josh... do you need to talk to someone? I can get a psychiatrist or someone on the phone."

There she is, always thinking about my welfare over hers. "I'm fine."

"I was just thinking... you know... Josh you should talk to someone. You're not taking this well."

"I'm taking it just fine!"

"You're hiding your feelings. I _really_ think you should talk to someone Josh."

She's thinking about Joanie... and my dad... and my mom... and Rosslyn. I can see it in her eyes. "I'm fine. If I want to talk to someone I will. Just go, all right? And don't talk to the press." She gives me that 'I'm-worried-about-you-Josh' look that burns a hole in my heart before she slowly walks away. I hadn't been thinking about all of the people that I had loved and lost in my life, not until Donna brought it up. Now a pain forms in my stomach as I begin to remember...

* * *

"Hey Josh," Joanie said. "Want some popcorn?" Josh nodded his head but didn't look away from the TV. _The Brady Bunch_ was on, and that was his favorite show. Joanie got up off of the couch and went into the kitchen. "It's a privilege that I'm letting you stay up late, you know that?," the thirteen-year-old asked as she started to gather the ingredients to make the popcorn. "If Mom and Dad were here, you'd probably be in bed." Josh tuned her out and continued to watch his show. She began to yell, "Josh! Get out here and help me make this popcorn if you want any for yourself!"

Josh sighed loudly, got up, and stomped into the kitchen. "I wanted to watch that!"

"But you're my little brother and it's your duty to help me." Joanie smirked and ruffled his hair before she continued to make the popcorn.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Get the butter out of the refrigerator." She poured the kernels into the popcorn maker. Josh did as he was told and handed her the butter reluctantly. "Thank you."

"You're not welcome."

"And you're snotty. Maybe I should reconsider letting you stay up late. I could eat all of the popcorn myself."

"No! I want some!"

"I knew you'd see my side sooner or later." Joanie finished putting the ingredients into the popcorn maker, and then turned it on. Instead of doing what it was supposed to, it jumped and then caught fire. Joanie and Josh watched in awe as the fire quickly began to spread from the popcorn maker to the counter tops and wallpaper. A few seconds later, Joanie ran over to the sink to get some water to put out the fire. Josh did what they taught him at school. He ran out of the house as fast as he could and waited near the street.

He bounced from one foot to the other, nervously. Soon Joanie would run out and tell him that it was safe and that the fire was put out, or she would run out to wait with him for the fire trucks to arrive. Josh waited and waited but nothing happened. Should he tell someone? No, Joanie would call the firemen.

Smoke began to issue from the house. Neighbors began to come out to look and gasp. He could see the fire in the windows. It spread. Slowly, the house began to envelop itself in flames. Josh could hear sirens, and a fire truck pulled up to his house. A bunch of firefighters ran inside, into the fire. Where was Joanie? Why wasn't she coming out? His parents came home. They were screaming and crying and trying to talk to him, but Josh couldn't take his eyes off of the house. She wasn't coming out.

* * *

I hate thinking about this. I hate it. I've got to stop thinking about it. _Ave Maria_ blares in my ears. It won't get out of my head, no matter what I do.

Sam's about done with his speech. I'm going to have to tell him. His wife needs him right now. I go backstage to wait for him. He steps off of the stage with a huge smile on his face. The part of the speech that I saw had gone well and it must have gotten even better. I hate to be the one that is going to wipe that smile off of his face.

He must notice my somberness because his grin quickly drops as he approaches me. "What's wrong? You look like you've just seen the Grim Reaper." Sam makes a nervous chuckle, not knowing about the irony.

I grab his arm and whisper in his ear, "President Bartlet is dead."

He looks at me in disbelief. "What?"

"Leo called Donna a few minutes ago. She's back at the White House. You've got to quickly greet the people and get back. Don't address the press."

Sam nods numbly and turns to walk back onstage for his curtain call. He smiles and waves as if nothing had happened. Something that I realize that I won't be able to do much longer if I keep reliving my past. I pull out my cell phone and call Stanley Keyworth's number.


	4. Sam

DISCLAIMER: See chapter 1

A/N: Thanks for the review nattieb!

* * *

I think my speech went very well. The crowd responded boisterously, which I suppose is always a good thing. I really think we can pass this new budget.

As I walk offstage I notice Josh standing waiting for me. It's not all that unusual for him to do that, but what is weird is that he looks quite gloomy. I wonder what's wrong. It had better not be anything security-related because I really don't feel like going to the Sit Room tonight. "What's wrong? You look like you've just seen the Grim Reaper." I try to force a laugh, although Josh is making me really nervous.

He grabs my arm and whispers, "President Bartlet is dead."

I can't believe my ears. Did Josh really just say that President Bartlet is dead? "What?"

"Leo called Donna a few minutes ago. She's back at the White House." Oh God. President Bartlet is really dead. I can't believe it. "You've got to quickly greet the people and get back. Don't address the press."

I try to tell Josh that I understand, but I don't think the words came out so I nod instead. I have to stay strong right now: for my family, for my friends, and for my nation. I have to lead them through this. I take a deep breath and walk back onstage. The audience is still applauding, not knowing about our nation's great loss yet. I put on a smile and wave, keeping the act up, pretending nothing has happened. There's a growing pain in the pit of my stomach as I realize that I'm not comprehending anything going on around me.

* * *

Sam was ushered into the Manchester house by Dr. Bartlet. She was smiling brightly and eagerly asking him about Donna and their two kids. He was brought into the living room, sat down, and refused Dr. Bartlet's offer for a drink. After a few more seconds of small talk, she sighed. "I'll go and get Jed now." She stood up and walked to the door, but turned around in the entrance. "No one has told him yet. We thought it would be best if you told him." With that, she left the room.

Not knowing what to do with himself, Sam paced the room. He was anxious. He had heard that the President's MS has progressed, but he didn't know how far it had gone. Charlie's descriptions to him weren't quite clear. Sam just hoped that the magnitude of the news that he was going to give President Bartlet would register with him. The President _was_ the reason that all this was happening.

A few seconds later, President Bartlet entered the room with his wife by his side, helping him along. He was wearing rather large glasses and walked with a cane, but his face lit into a smile when he saw Sam in the room. Suddenly, his smile dropped into a frown, leaving Sam quite baffled. "You're late."

"I'm sorry Mr. President. My plane was delayed. It's foggy in DC," Sam quickly apologized.

"I don't like to be kept waiting," he said in a stern voice as he gave Sam a hard look. Sam was petrified, he didn't think MS made people mean. Just as that thought popped into his head, though, a smile returned to the President's face again. He was laughing. "I had you." Sam was put at ease, and he laughed too.

Abbey helped Jed into a chair. "Well, I'll leave you two alone now. If you need anything, I'll be in the next room." She left. Sam sat down across from the President.

"And what have I done to deserve this visit from the Governor?"

Sam didn't know what to say. Did the President just slip up, or was this due to the MS? "With all due respect Mr. President, I'm a Senator, not a Governor."

He paused for a moment. "That's what I meant."

Sam decided to brush past the subject. "Mr. President, I have some very big news."

"Oh wait a minute... I forgot to ask. How are Donna and Emily?"

"They're wonderful. They send their love. As does JJ."

"JJ?"

"My son. JJ."

"You have a child?"

"Donna and I have two kids, remember? Emily is the oldest, and then there's JJ. His full name is Joshua Josiah, after you and Josh, but we nicknamed him JJ for less confusion."

The President looked disconcerted. Something in his eyes had turned childlike. He gazed at Sam for a moment before quietly asking, "Who are you?"

Sam was horrified. "I'm Sam. Sam Seaborn. I used to work for you Mr.—"

"I don't know any Sams! Get out of my house!" Jed stood up with quite an effort.

"Mr. President, I—"

"ABBEY!" Dr. Bartlet came running into the room. "Why the hell did you let this stranger into our house?!" He pointed to Sam.

She looked back and forth from the President to Sam, quickly assessing the situation. Finally, she addressed Jed. "I think it's time for you to go to bed."

"Abbey!" Dr. Bartlet grabbed Jed's arm and led him out of the room, all the while trying to talk him out of his tantrum. Sam sat in his same spot, mouth wide open, shocked. Josiah Bartlet, the one man he had looked up to more than anyone else, whose guidance he prided above all others, had forgotten who he was. It hurt him deeply.

A couple of minutes later, Abbey came back into the living room. She looked at Sam sympathetically. "I'm really sorry about that. Every once in a while he has memory lapses. They really don't happen that often, and I'm sorry you had to be here when one did."

"It's not your fault," Sam whispered as he stared at the floor, tears burning in his eyes.

Dr. Bartlet gazed at Sam, knowing the pain he was going through. She was going through it too, but she had to stay strong. She was the matriarch of her clan. "Why don't you stay here the night? I hear it's been getting even foggier in DC. I'm sure you're flight will be cancelled."

Sam shook his head. "I have to get back."

"I understand."

Two hours later, Sam was about to leave the house for the airport when the former First Lady came running to him. "Jed wants to see you."

"He remembers me?"

"His memory lapses only last a few hours. He wants to see you before you go. It won't be long, you'll still catch your flight."

"Yes ma'am."

Abbey led the way to the bedroom. Before allowing Sam in, she said, "Keep in mind, he's very tired."

Sam walked into the bedroom. Jed was propped up in bed, his glasses taken off. When he heard Sam walk in, he turned to face him. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"Oh no, Mr. President, don't be." He walked up to the bed and stood beside it.

"You said you had big news before. What is it?"

"It's not that important Mr. President."

"Of course it is. You flew all the way up here to tell me. What is it?"

Sam sighed. "Well, I was thinking about running for President... with your blessing of course."

A smile slowly spread onto Jed's face. "I told you that you were going to be President one day, remember?"

"Yes I do sir."

"Do you think I'd say that without meaning it?" Sam didn't know what to say. "You got your Chief of Staff picked out?"

"Josh."

President Bartlet nodded. "You're going to have to keep him in check."

"Don't worry. I'll keep my eye on him."

Jed let out a chuckle and then gazed silently at Sam. "I can't think of a better person than you to be President, Sam." He reached up and patted Sam's hand before turning over and falling asleep.

* * *

I can't take it anymore. I have to get home. I'll break down any moment if I don't. With one last wave, I exit the stage. Josh is still backstage, but now he's on his cell phone. Nevertheless, I still talk to him. "I have to get back! I have to see Donna!" He nods knowingly and continues with his conversation.

I head toward the back door. Ian, my agent, speaks into his hand mike, "Princeton is on the move."


	5. Leo

DISCLAIMER: See chapter 1

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took so long and is so short. It was VERY difficult for me to write. I must admit I was crying while doing so (not _just_ because of the story, but I also had an experience very similar happen to me recently). I would also like some input. Are you sick of everybody's initial reactions? If so, then I will skip CJ and Toby's initial reactions (I figure I'm just going to do the POVs of Donna, Charlie, Josh, Sam, Leo, Toby, and CJ) and have the plot progress a little. If not, then I'll write them. So just let me know. The next chapter could take a while. I have a slight case of writer's block. Thank you very much to nattieb and Airam4u for the reviews.

* * *

I have absolutely no idea where I am. I've been walking for what seems like hours. My legs hurt, and my nose feels like it's going to fall off from this subzero weather. I never understood how Jed put up with, and actually enjoyed, this frozen hell they call New Hampshire.

Jed. He's really gone. I never thought it would happen like this. I always assumed that I would be the first to go, especially after my heart attack. This isn't how it was supposed to happen. How can I go on when my best friend and confidant has left me alone? It's almost too much to bare.

I don't think my legs can hold me much longer. I look around and notice that I'm in a park of some sort. I think I've been here before, but I can't remember. I'm so disoriented. There's a bench just ahead. I walk to it and sit. Dear God is that cold! Seriously, how can people put up with weather like this for such a long time?

If Jed were here right now, I'm sure he'd be calling me a wimp or a sissy. He'd be sitting on this bench without a winter coat on and perfectly comfortable. The more I think about him, the more painful the ache in my heart gets. I keep remembering things: our conversations, our dinners, everything from our pasts. I remember seeing his last breath leave his body. It all seemed so peaceful. I remember seeing his girls begin to cry. I have never, in all of my life, seen Abbey cry until that moment. Despite all of their bickering, they truly loved each other. They were soul mates, and now he's gone. It was killing Abbey. The only thing that I could do for her was hug her and try not to cry myself.

"God damn it Jed!," I yell to the night air. "Why did you do this to us?! You weren't supposed to die! Didn't you realize that we all need you?! Didn't you realize that _I_ need you?!" We'll never talk again, never taunt each other again, never fight again. I feel like the world is crashing in on my head. There's no stopping the tears now. My eyes grow wet and my cheeks follow. I can't hold it back any longer, and I begin to sob.

* * *

"Leo, they need you in the Situation Room," Margaret said as she poked her head into Leo's office. He nodded and walked away from his paperwork.

As Leo walked into the Situation Room, he was surprised to see that the President was already there. Usually he was called down before the President. Everyone's faces were solemn, and, if possible, they seemed to drop even more as he entered the room. He quickly took his seat. "What's going on?," he asked in a very worried tone. Something wasn't right.

The high-ranking government officials glanced around to one another nervously. Their behavior was very odd, and it was scaring the hell out of Leo. "Seriously, you guys, what is it?"

Jed sighed and turned to Leo. "Leo...," he paused. "There's been a suicide bombing in Tanzania... at a school."

Leo looked around the room, bewildered. "Mallory?" It was the first thought in his head.

"It _was_ her school Leo. We don't know what's happened to her though. There hasn't been enough information yet."

The world disappeared before Leo's eyes. He tried to breathe, but couldn't feel any air in his lungs. His whole body was shaking. He didn't want to believe that Mallory was there. "Who was responsible?," he managed to whisper.

"We don't know."

His temper began to flare. "I said... who was responsible?!"

"Leo... there hasn't been enough intelligence yet."

"I don't give a damn! I want to know what happened to my daughter!"

"We all do, Leo, but we can't—"

"I don't think you do, Mr. President. Or else we would know by now. We have the best intelligence in the world!"

General Alexander spoke up. "These things take time, Mr. McGarry—"

"I need to know what happened to her! Don't bother calling me back here until you do!" There was so much more than that on Leo's mind that he wanted to say, but couldn't. He had to get out of there. Leo stormed out of the Situation Room, something he had never done before. He practically sprinted back his office where Margaret said something to him about a meeting, but he just ignored her.

Leo slammed the door to his office and began to pace the room. He was having trouble breathing still and could only take short, shallow breaths that weren't helping. His mind was heavy with the thought that his daughter was probably dead. It was unbearable.

Suddenly, Leo's chest cramped up. His breathing became labored. Slowly, pains began to shoot through his left arm. He thought he knew what was happening. The First Lady had warned him about it. It couldn't be...

He clutched his chest and leaned over, trying his best to suck in air. It wasn't working. Just then, the President walked into the room from the Oval Office. He saw Leo's stance and ran over to support his friend. "Leo, what's wrong?" Leo didn't answer. His eyes were beginning to dim. Jed's worry intensified. "Leo...?"

"I... think I'm... having... heart attack," Leo managed to gasp.

"Oh God!" Jed began to panic a little bit. He helped Leo into a chair while he yelled, "Margaret! Call 9-1-1!" Leo began to drift in and out, only catching tidbits of the ensuing conversation. In later years, he remembered Margaret rushing to his side before calling an ambulance, and he could have sworn that Josh's voice was in there somewhere. He did remember Jed kneeling in front of him and looking him in the eyes. His voice seemed distant. "Leo, I need you to stay with me. Josh went to get you some aspirin. Stay with me. Everything will be fine..." He kept talking, but it became inaudible as everything around Leo faded.

* * *

I feel alone. I feel like I'm suffocating. I lost my best friend. Will I ever recover?

* * *

A/N again: Did Mallory go to Tanzania at all? Or was it a different country? I don't remember. For my purposes it was Tanzania. Oh, and I didn't mean to leave you hanging. You'll find out what happened to Mallory and Leo in a later chapter.


	6. CJ

DISCLAIMER: See chapter 1

A/N: Thank you for the reviews nattieb, lynn563, daffycat7, maltz, and Ktis2fun! I do realize now that I didn't pick up on that sarcasm. Lol. I am really horrible at picking up on sarcasm. So in my story.... Mallory did go to Tamzania. Haha. Wow... I can't believe I did that. Anyway... sorry this took so long. The next chapter will probably take a while too. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

* * *

Jeez! What the hell is that noise?! It can't be my alarm. It's too dark out for that. I roll over to look at my clock. I have to squint because I'm not wearing my glasses. 12:36. Definitely not my alarm.

Just now, I can make out the noise. It's a ring. My phone. Who is calling at this time of night?! The one night in what seems like the past five years that I've gotten to bed early.

I suppose I'd better answer it. Whoever it is isn't giving up. I don't hide my annoyance with the phone as I let out a deep sigh of exasperation. My hand gropes around on the night table in search of the phone. I finally grab it and turn it on. "What?!" This had better be good.

"CJ?" Donna's voice sounds unstable. She sounds really upset. Whatever this is, it isn't good.

"Donna, what's wrong?" She doesn't answer me but instead I hear her let out a sob. Something is definitely not right. "What is it? Is it Sam? Emily? JJ?"

Another sob. "It's President B... Bartlet."

This was not good news. Was he sick? "What about President Bartlet?"

"He's... he's... dead." Her sobs thicken.

My breath caught in my chest. "Are you kidding?" Donna's sobs continue. "How? When? Who was with him? Was he in Manchester?" That's all I can think of to say, even though it's obvious that Donna's not going to answer me. She's crying too hard. "Listen... I'll call you back later when you're ready to talk, okay?" I try my best to sound sympathetic.

"Okay," comes her muffled reply. She hangs up and I do too.

My hand searches for the nightstand to put the phone down on, but it can't find it. My arms aren't under my command anymore. My hands go to my face. I feel the tears coming, they're burning a path from the back of my throat to my eyes, slowly. I can't let Toby see me like this. I have to be strong when I tell him. Trying to make no noise or move the bed, I creep out of bed, out of the bedroom, and down the hall to the study.

The study is lit enough by the glowing fish tank. I walk to the swivel chair behind the desk and sit down. I gaze over all of the photos on the desk: me and Toby, Huck and Molly, photos from Sam's campaign. And then my glance falls on it: a picture of all of us on President Bartlet's first campaign. There he is, smiling, in the middle of the group. He looks so happy, so energetic, so full of life. My eyes begin to leak and the tears begin to cloud my vision.

* * *

CJ did not want to walk back into the campaign headquarters. Everyone was going to be angry with her, and she was angry enough with herself at the moment. She didn't think that she could tolerate any more anger. Her breathing was shallow and unstable as she stood at the door, trying to come up with an excuse. It was no use.

Suddenly, the door burst open and out popped Sam. Upon seeing CJ, Sam attempted to smile. CJ didn't even try, her face was too numb. "I was just going to get some coffee. You want some?" She shook her head. Sam's glance quickly reverted to the window into the store before he turned to face CJ. "They're not happy with you in there."

"You think?!," she yelled sarcastically.

"I mean, it's like a war zone in there and they're just waiting for the signal to fire."

"I kind of figured Sam!"

"I'm just saying that I'm on your side. Everyone makes mistakes every once in a while... I guess."

"Just go away!" Sam jumped and dashed away down the street.

With a deep breath, CJ pushed open the door and walked inside. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up at her. She smiled awkwardly, and in what seemed like an eternity later, everyone resumed their work.

Donna stepped up to CJ. "Josh wants to see you," she whispered before giving CJ an encouraging smile. That reassured CJ a little bit until she heard a loud bang and looked up to see Josh marching toward her.

"HIS IDEAS ARE ADMIRABLE?!?!?!?! He's a REPUBLICAN, CJ!!!!"

"I know, Josh, let me explain—"

"What is there to explain?! We are so completely screwed right now and it's all because of you!"

"Josh..." Donna chimed, giving Josh a stern look. "I'm sure that there are ways to fix this. It isn't _that_ big of a thing, right? And you should really give her a break. Everyone makes mistakes."

Josh looked back and forth from Donna to CJ, not sure of what to say. Finally, his gaze rested on Donna. "You sound exactly like Sam."

"Well then Sam's right."

"No he's not!"

"Yes... I think he is."

"No he's not Donna! You apparently know nothing about pol—"

"What the hell were you thinking?! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!," Toby's voice boomed. He appeared into CJ's vision, and he looked quite apoplectic.

"I made a mistake—"

"You think?! No... no... I don't even want to talk to you right now! It's because of you that I'm going to be doing damage control for the next six months! There is no possible way that we're going to win this election now! It's because of you that crackpot Republican is going to be running this country!" Toby began to mumble to himself and pace around the store, throwing a rubber ball wherever he went. Josh, much angrier from his argument with Donna, stormed off to his makeshift office. Donna continued to try and look supportive.

CJ exhaled loudly. "Where's Leo?" She was hoping to get the worst of it over then and there.

"At a rally in New York. Remember? I think he knows though. I wouldn't be surprised if you got a phone call in the near future."

"And Governor Bartlet?"

Just as the words came out of her mouth, Mrs. Landingham appeared in front of CJ. "CJ... the governor would like to see you now." CJ nodded and followed Mrs. Landingham on what felt like her death march. She didn't comprehend her surroundings until she reached the governor's temporary campaign office. "You can go on in."

CJ took a deep breath. This was it. She was going to be fired. She had really enjoyed this job, too. Slowly, she walked inside. Governor Bartlet was reading a memo of some sort. CJ cleared her throat and the governor looked up with a cold gaze. "Sit," he said sternly and CJ obeyed. She waited for him to make the first move. After a few minutes, he took off his glasses, set them on the desk, and looked up to CJ. As he spoke, he spoke in a quiet, firm tone that scared CJ. "Do you realize the damage you could have done to this campaign?"

"Yes... and I'm sorry. It was a slip of the tongue. I didn't mean it at all. You know I'm a democrat. I didn't want to make the other guys look good." She talked very hurriedly. "I promise I'll fix it all myself. No one needs to worry about anything."

Governor Bartlet stared at her for a few moments. "This could cause me to lose the campaign."

"I know. I'm really sorry sir. I'll just go and pack up my things," CJ said dejectedly.

As she stood to walk out, she noticed the governor giving her a confused look. "What did you say you were doing?"

"Packing up my things. You're obviously going to fire me."

"You think you can predict my actions now?"

"No sir. I just..." CJ trailed off. She didn't know what to think.

"I'm not going to fire you CJ. Everyone makes mistakes. I believe in second chances."

CJ smiled. She couldn't believe her ears. "Thank you sir."

"But if you have one more slip-up then I will fire you. You understand?"

"Yes sir." CJ stood in the doorway, not knowing what to do next.

"That doesn't mean that I'm very keen on talking to you right now. I'll let you know when I want to see you again."

"Yes sir!" CJ turned and quickly bustled out of the office, content with the fact that she still had a job.

* * *

President Bartlet gave me more chances than I deserved. I swear he must have given me six-hundred second chances. He was a great man, like a father to me, especially after my dad died. I can't even imagine what this world is going to be like without him. Tears keep trickling down my face, and I realize that I haven't felt this empty since my dad died.


	7. Toby

DISCLAIMER: See chapter 1

A/N: Wow, it has taken me a really REALLY long time to write this. Sorry about that. I had writer's block and then I was really busy but yeah... Anyway, I'm back in action. Just as a warning, there's some major character bashing in this chapter. But it's Toby, what do you expect? Sorry to fans of those characters (I'm one too, I love Josh). Please review. That will keep me encouraged on this story.

* * *

Who calls someone's house at 12:30 in the morning? I mean, I can understand them doing it on nights that I'm awake, but on nights when I'm sleeping?... People need to have a little more consideration for other people. Now the hall floor is creaking. We need to get that fixed. CJ says we don't but I really think we do. What does she know about squeaky floors? They don't seem to be keeping her awake at 12:30 in the morning.

Where's my girlfriend? She was here a second ago. I don't think I was dreaming then. So _she_ was the one that squeaked the floors. I knew it. But why didn't she just go back to sleep? Since I've known her, CJ can sleep whenever she chose. Unless something is bothering her or something devastating has happened. Maybe something devastating has happened. I should probably go and check on her. That would be my job as boyfriend and all. But it's 12:30 in the morning!

_Get up Toby, get up._

"Damn you conscience," I say out loud. With a sigh, I get up. I hate my inner voice.

I travel down the hall and find CJ in her office. She's crying. "What's wrong?" Apparently I've startled her because she jumps and starts wiping away her tears.

"Nothing!"

"CJ..."

"What makes you think something is wrong?"

Well, you're furiously wiping away tears for one thing. "You're... you know... crying. And... other stuff."

She huffs and looks kind of mad at me. Nothing new. After a few seconds and a few sighs, she whispers, "President Bartlet is dead."

Really? I stare at her in wonder. Part of me had seen this coming, but still... "Wow."

Toby paced the office outside of the Oval impatiently. "I wish you would stop doing that," came the annoyed voice of Debbie Fidderer.

"I'm not causing you any physical pain, am I?"

"No."

"Then why should I stop?"

"Because you're annoying me, that's why."

"Fine," he replied shortly and sat on the new personal aide's desk. What was that guy's name? Toby didn't know and was completely apathetic to the situation.

Everything seemed to make Toby's temper flare in the past month or so: the candidates, the ability of his friends to move forward while he was stuck in the same place as he was three years ago, random new people that were suddenly more trusted than he was, even the neighbor's cat. He had some suspicion that the summon for him from the president had something to do with that. Not like he cared. He had blown up at the President before and was more than willing to again.

"Would you stop that," Debbie snapped.

"What! What am I doing now!"

"You're breathing heavily and tapping your foot quite loudly. It's disrupting my workplace."

Toby began to yell. "Well excuse me for disturbing the queen of—"

"The President will see you now."

"Isn't he in a meeting?"

"No."

"You said he was."

"I lied."

His temper started to flare again. "Then why on earth did you make me wait out here!"

She shrugged. "I wanted to torture you."

Toby shook his head in disbelief, lost for words. Finally, he just went into the Oval Office, too annoyed to fight with Debbie. He'd wait and do that later. He needed to save his energy for the fight that would inevitably ensue between him and Jed Bartlet.

Upon entering the Oval, the President looked up from his paperwork. "Toby," he smiled. "Sit down. I'll be with you in a minute." Toby did as he was told and waited patiently. It was his last little bit of patience but he knew he shouldn't start to yell immediately. At last, Jed Bartlet limped over, with the assistance of his cane, and sat across from Toby. "What's up?"

"What's up? Really? That's all you can say to start a conversation," Toby muttered sarcastically.

"I thought it would be good to start off with a little small talk before we got into business."

"Fire away," he laughed. Not a happy laugh, an insane one. He thought this stupid.

"How are Huck and Molly?" Toby couldn't truthfully answer this. He hadn't seen them for quite some time, though he had gotten a lot of grief from Andy about it. He just looked away from the president. "You should be a part of their lives Toby. Fatherhood requires some work."

"Don't lecture me on my personal life, Mr. President! I already get enough of that from everyone else!" Toby had already started to yell. He was hoping to save his loud voice for a little bit later in the fight, but that choice had gone out the window.

The President, for once, wasn't taking the bait. "Temper, temper," he scolded. Before Toby could devise a comeback, Jed continued, "Now, I know you Toby, and I know that you do not have the calmest temper around. But recently it's been getting worse, and that's why I called you in... to make sure everything is all right."

Toby retreated back to his indoor voice. "What makes you think anything is wrong? I've been perfectly content." He didn't want to talk about his temper, he wanted to talk about the things that bothered him. They were two different things.

He didn't fool President Bartlet for a second. "You and Josh got into a fistfight," he asked in shock.

"How did you know that?"

"It was easy enough to figure out."

"We had a disagreement."

"You always have disagreements. They've never escalated into anything like that before."

"Yeah well... he did something I can never forgive him for."

"Such as?"

"I don't think it's any of your business sir!"

"But I think it is, Mr. Ziegler. For you see, I hate seeing my friends in arguments amongst themselves and I try to do anything in my power to get them to reconcile. You wouldn't happen to be angry over the Santos campaign, would you?"

"Josh told you to talk to me, didn't he?"

"No. Like I said Toby, I know you."

"Josh doesn't understand! If we had worked together we could have found a candidate that was strong enough to lead this country! We would have been unstoppable! Now, because of him and his antics, the Democratic party is split and weak and Republicans are going to be running the country for the next four years!"

"Why didn't you two work together?" The President used a calm, concerned tone.

"I don't know! Probably because Josh Lyman is a self-centered, egotistical jerk who doesn't care enough to consult me about decisions concerning the future. He left me to rot here!"

"Ah. I think we're getting somewhere. I don't think you can really blame Josh. If you're so concerned about moving on, you could have gone to Josh yourself. But I can understand your not wanting to leave. Maybe you were a little bit more anxious about how I would feel your loyalty was if you left. Believe me, Josh felt the same way."

Toby suddenly felt the urge to change subjects. President Bartlet was remaining calm and cool this whole time, which was so utterly unlike him. Something had been on Toby's mind for a while now and it was time to ask. Plus, this could very well get Jed's engines flowing. "You don't trust me anymore, Mr. President."

"Excuse me?"

"You don't trust me... you don't use my advice as much as you used to. What has Kate Harper got that I don't!"

Finally, the President's face was beginning to turn red. "I am offended by that absurd assumption! I go to Kate for military and intelligence advice, you're my domestic man!"

Toby wasn't listening. "And CJ! How on earth did she get to be Chief of Staff over me and Josh! At least he and I have some actual experience—"

"This is uncalled for! You know very well that she is perfectly qualified—"

"She was Press Secretary! She worked with the press! She was the last one that we told everything to, we gave her as little input as possible! Whereas myself, and even Josh, had more say! We were closer to you, closer to Leo! We both deserved the job more!"

"I won't take these attacks on CJ! She is smart and wonderful at her new job! You seemed fine with the decision when it was made!"

"Leo had just had a heart attack! My mind wasn't in the right place!"

President Bartlet's voice abruptly got very quiet and vehement. "You have just insulted my closest friends and advisors and therefore myself. You honestly think that you have the right to do that in this office! In this building!"

Toby paused. "No sir I don't. So I will be handing in my letter of resignation the next time I see you." He stood and walked to the door.

Rising, President Bartlet cried, "You've tried resigning before Toby! It's not going to work! Where else do you have to go! Josh won't let you onto the Santos campaign now, and I can't see you happily working with Russell or in the private sector!" But Toby didn't listen. He stormed out of the Oval Office, slamming the door behind him and leaving the President to fume.

CJ's sobbing now. I hate seeing women cry. It makes me uncomfortable. It's a good thing I don't cry. That would be weird. "How do you have no expression at a time like this!" She's hysterical.

I just shrug. "It must not have hit me yet."

"Or it could just be the fact that you're Toby Ziegler."

"Could be." She's crying even more now. I meant that as a joke. Oh well. I really do love her, and I guess I should fulfill my job as boyfriend now. I walk over and wrap my arms around her. She sobs even harder into my shoulder. It is truly something devastating.


End file.
